Something nobody wants to talk about 💔

I had an unplanned pregnancy . I thought that having a baby would interfere with school. I was living with my mom and didn't want to be a teen mom living off my parent. It just didnt seem right. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years and he was happy to hear about the baby. I would ask him about expenses for the baby (since i dont work) and ask where would I move to since I don't have enough space in my own home. He suggested that I could move in with him (in his family's home) but I didn't want to feel like I was taking up space. I've heard story's about how guys think they have control over you or you start to see their true colors after you move in with them and i didn't want to go through that. After graduation I stopped thinking about college but I received a scholarship which changed my mind. I knew i had to continue my education. That's when i got the abortion and lost all my motivation. I would cry everyday and every night . I thought I would never be happy again. My boyfriend even through it in my face once and I felt like I deserved it. He was so hurt and that wasn't my intention. But We both agreed we werent ready. Yes it hurt so much that even that thought seem foolish. Till this day it is. The morning before the procedure i cried and spoke to my baby and said this will be our last shower . Ill never forget that feeling. Its the worst and it hurts till this day. I'm feeling way better now (thanks to my boyfriend and his support , i wouldnt have made if it wasnt for him) but sometimes I wish I was pregnant. I see other girls getting pregnant and it hurts bc i wouldve been 8 months by now. If I would've known how much I would regret it abortion wouldn't even be a choice. Hopefully I get pregnant in the future and have my angel back. But for all the girls out there going through a tough time or not knowing what to do with the baby , please don't do the same mistake I did. It'll hurt you so much. No matter your situation abortion shouldn't be your answer. Theres always help out there. 😢❤