Something just occurred to me. I had horrible postpartum depression with my daughter. For the first 9-10 months after having her I was in a dark place. but there were many things coming with it. her dad wasn't helping. She was sick, and her dad would wake up and scream at her for crying and him not getting sleep. Yelling at me to get up and take care of her. She would sleep in half hour naps all day and night so I slept when she did and got minimal house work done during the day. I always, always got dinner ready to be made but she was always nursing during when he would want dinner to be made so he would bitch at me because I wasn't making dinner and wasn't doing things around the house. I wasn't making any mess, I stayed in my bed room with her 24/7 but to take walks, until it got icy and cold (I live in the Northeast). We soon broke up because of how toxic it was. Then he kicked me out because I wasn't working many hours and couldn't take over the rent (900+ electric 200). So then I was homeless, trying to work and had started back college classes. Homeless, with an 8 month old baby, who was always sick and her dad wanted nothing to do with us. Then I got super sick, almost died from pancreatitis and liver failure from having my gallbladder removed. When I made it through is when my postpartum depression subsided. I met my now hubby a little after my daughter turned 1 and he has been amazing. he helps with her and raises her as his own. my health is much better and got cleared to TTC 10 months ago and so it began. Recently one of my friends opened up about having postpartum depression with her second child but did not have it with her first. I'm so scared that I will have postpartum depression again. I almost am so scared that I am thinking about not wanting another. I love being a mom. There was so much against me when I had her including my age (19). Life is so great now. we have a huge house, tons of land, getting some animals (chickens, and pigs), we have a large garden that was my baby all summer, we run our own maple syrup shack for our own and family maple syrup, and just have everything I have ever dreamed of and more. But hubby has always wanted kids of his own and I have wanted more kids for over a year now. Has anyone had expensive with this at all?