want a baby or not

Hey everyone my name is Cheryl am happily married to my husband but there is one thing am afraid of am scared of getting pregnant when my husband makes love to me. I know he would love a child with me but I don't want kids and am terrified of getting pregnant I've asked him to use a condom he won't I've asked him not to cum inside but he always does I can't go on the pill the doctor won't give me as am currently on medication for a health problem I have that I won't go into details about I don't know what to do I just don't want kids and If I got pregnant I don't know how I would feel or handle it I just feel so alone with how am feeling