I mean I knew this already but today it just really hit me. People suck...I mean seriously suck and just plain hurtful. I have never been mean in my life in fact I apologize for almost everything. I have given people all I ever could and have lost plenty because of that. I'm clearly to stupid to stop. After all the crap I have been through today I know I still can't disrespect anyone, especially not how I was disrespected today. You can't just tell people how you feel or what's worrying you without something negative, angry, and ugly coming out of it. People don't care what you're losing, just about what they're losing. My head is killing me and I have never been so depressed.... This will be long, sorry. My life started easy, I guess I was spoiled. Every toy and game I could ever asked for. I have three siblings. A sister and two brothers. It was always just my sister and I cause my brothers didn't like us much. My parents were and still are extremely sexist though to them it was helping. We were not allowed to do anything, no going out anywhere but school, no after school anything, and boys just meant sex so no even looking at them. Meanwhile our brothers just went anywhere they wanted. Both of them were just always angry. One didn't talk, walking around looking mad and exercising. The other might say something sometimes but mainly just played video games when he was home. My little sister just looked up to me. I was shy and awkward and quickly became someone she'd never want to look up to. My loneliness just got worse as the years passed. One by one my siblings moved on and there I was not even able to go to sea world without crying from the crowds of people. Brother 1 is in air force, Brother 2 is in the army, Sister is in vet school. I wanted to be a writer, wanted to have something published by 19 but that never happened no matter how many stories I wrote. I barely got out of highschool and when I finally went to college I failed and still had student loans that couldn't be paid because I lost my job trying to stay in school. I had to work so I got another job but that didn't work cause I was supposed to be paying $300 a month for school with only a day of work, they refused to give me anything else. So that meant another job. This job was great, loved it. It was close by so I wasn't ever late until I was a lot. I kindly decided to take this coworker to work everyday and back home and we were constantly late. She hardly ever gave gas but my stupid lonely trusting self helped her so she wouldn't be out a job. Didn't matter by the time I told her I couldn't do it anymore. We both lost the job. Prior to all thus I had no need for a job, I lived with my parents and when I got my first job all they could say is I don't know why you working we providing everything you need ya'll always acting like ya'll need to leave like ya'll mistreated or something. I literally spent all day everyday in my room watching TV eating junk. I seriously got my first job because my sister was working at a place by our house so I walked her there everyday and sometimes waited there for her to get off. The manager noticed and hired me since my sister was in school still so she didn't have as much free time as me. Saving was something I never learned, my parents literally just bought us stuff well mainly when we were younger. They hardly ever had food in our house, none of my cousin's like coming over because of that. Didn't matter if we had all the toys. We were lucky if ramen was in the house half the time. Anyway the point of that was once I was making my own money I of course used it to buy actual food and snacks which was great cause my parents had a thing about giving us snacks (it never happened). I got really fat, all anyone could do is tell me how fat I was because I was really skinny like all my life. I was depressed and just stopped going anywhere. I left my first job for another job but was cool with my boss and hung out with her and her daughter from time to time. She also had a son. Which is where it went wrong, knew them for over two years and spent the night sometimes when I had work the next day. I seriously shaved every time I went over there and put on my best panty set but that night I was like that man is never gonna sleep with me so forget it...of course come three am he text me saying he in the shower and I can come in if I want...like I had a crush on this dude since I met him so yeah I didn't let the moment pass. After my awkward self walked out and shut the door. He texted saying sorry and it can't happen again and I said ok (I wanted to date). He got a girlfriend like maybe a day later. Super depressed at this point. So I go on a site dating or rather a ton of dating sites. Hoping for a hook up, didn't happen...took a year before I did met someone. He was sweet and at first we hung out alot, always at his house, once at his friend's house. By then it started sucking, we wouldn't talk for days at a time, once we didn't talk for a month and I just thought I was single so I was just upset. I spent my days working out to make myself feel pretty. When we talked again I went to see him just to let him see what he was missing out on which was nothing really I just looked better, wasn't any better. We dated nine months and like the last month of that was just sad. I had met my now fiancé like two months prior to that. We hung out a lot (nothing sexual). After spending time with this guy and seeing oh he treats me way better and we'll just friends. I finally broke up with the guy and like a week later my friend(fiancé) asked if he could kiss me which was the cutest sweetest thing ever. I said yes so we did but that text me and was acting like he missed me and so on which I believed so I was upset and confused called friend crying. He drives over to see me and feels so guilty for the kiss. I went back to the last guy one more time and saw that nothing had changed so I dumped him again and didn't turn back. Eventually started dating my friend. Time went on we decided to move in together. We had saved a bit so we got a cheap car because even though I had my parents car we were in need of another one. Moved to a place next to my college(which brings me back to the job I couldn't kept because of school). After flunking out of college I had time to work, in that time we decided we wanted a baby. We tried for a year and nothing, clearly something was wrong but then we got pregnant. Like a week before I found out I got a pap smear that was somehow lost. A month passed and I lost the baby, then the appendix and job. So a bit passed and I found a new doctor, did a pap smear and had an sti or std...something treatable but my family had to cause drama and treat him like he cheated when actually we just weren't safe. He left his ex because she cheated and hadn't been with anyone for like ten years (he's shy and way more awkward than me). I feel like I gave it to him but he thinks it was him and he thinks he killed our baby. He got depressed, like nothing made him happy, he got baker acted. Once he got out he said we didn't feel right and he needed space. I said we should quit so easily considering days before we were trying for a baby. Eventually we got better and started a new track...Continued In Comments Sorry