Back story:

I met a friend last Christmas and she, her husband, my husband and I all became close friends. We spent nearly every day together, cooked meals together, took a vacation together, etc. the friendship meant a lot to me and my husband.

My husband and I moved across the country, leaving them behind. They were extremely unhappy about our decision to move and my friend became more and more distant. I tried to give her excuses like “she’s busy” because she had a big life change as well. Unfortunately, her texts got snippier and further and farther between.

My husband travels back to that city often for work. When he’s there, he has the choice of hanging out with them or being in a hotel room alone for 1-2 weeks at a time. Obviously I’d rather him hangout with them like old times.

Recently my friend sent me some super hurtful texts. Like... the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to me. She’s been really bringing me down since about June, but again- I made excuses for her. I’ve been going through a tough time with my health (miscarriage and some other stuff), finding a new job, friends, etc. I’ve been experiencing some rough depression and anxiety but I’ve been seeing a therapist. She hasn’t asked how I’m doing, even when I try to check on her. When I do something good that makes me feel normal or accomplished, even for a moment- she says something negative to me about it- So to get such nasty messages from her, really hurt.

My husband had to go there for work less than a week after it all happened. They invited him to hang out and I encouraged it but only asked that he not allow a discussion involving me because she is VERY alpha and dominates conversations, psychoanalyses people, and I felt like my husband would shut down and let her say whatever she felt. Although he wanted the opportunity to take up for me, he obliged.

I spoke with my therapist about this- how I don’t feel like I can ever have the friendship with her and her husband that I used to, but for my husbands sake (so he’s not alone while he’s there) I felt I should somehow make things work. She agreed that I should be civil for the sake of my husband.

I just... don’t know what to do. I can’t tell her I’m sorry, because I did nothing wrong. Her husband demanded that I tell her whether or not I felt the friendship was over, so I texted him stating that it wasn’t over, but I wasn’t sure how to approach her Bc I was still very hurt. He basically told me I have to be the one to call her and make it all better.

So I have options: don’t message or call either of them again and let it continue being awkward for my husband. OR call her and make things right for the sake of my husband, even though she is 1000% at fault.

Don’t get me wrong- my husband is angry for what she said, and he wants her to apologize- but he’s also forgiving and thinks we need to look at how good our friendship once was and get back there.

Any advice? Have you been through something similar?