Touching Before Marriage

Ka

I don't know what to do. I'm 208 days away from marrying the love of my life and I intentionally put myself in compromising situations with him where we are going to be tempted to fondle each other. This week I shaved my pubic hair and let him touch me. It felt so good! Then I played with his penis until he said he needed to go to the bathroom to finish it off.

I CRAVE his touch. I enjoy it immensely. But all I can think about is how I'm not supposed to be doing this. I'm desperate for his touch and I want to sleep with him so bad but I don't know what to do with my other desire to be good. Yes, I was raised in a religious household, but I actually believe that I should act right in order to show respect to God....that's not really a burden. I'm just conflicted in spirit because my desire to be masturbated by my "husband" is so big. We should have been married months ago so that this wouldn't be a problem but we had financial issues and my parents weren't on board until now. I feel like we are in a natural place that all couples would get to at this stage in the relationship but I can't find a solution that satisfies all desires. Please don't be mean or rude or slap the religion back into me. I'd rather take comfort knowing that I'm not the only one who feels this way.

UPDATE:

I asked him why we can't just go to the courthouse and get married and he reminded me that because he's still on disability money, the government would immediately deduct from his monthly income if he got married. It's complicated. but we have to wait until I finish college and get a good paying job. Thanks for trying to suggest that though.