I can't even cry anymore 😔

There's nothing more trying, heartbreaking, frustrating and difficult than wanting something so badly and watching everyone around you get it first.

I can't even cry anymore. For 20 months I've done everything I can to conceive and for 20 months all I've seen are negative tests.

I just had an HSG procedure done and I really had my hopes up that I could be one of the cases that get pregnant right after! But instead of a positive result I found out I have a hypoplastic uterus and an arcuate uterus. I always knew something was wrong but now that I have the answer I don't want to believe it.

I'm 12dpo today, my period is due Wednesday and so far I've had no symptoms and a negative HCG test yesterday. I never test before my period is late, but I had such a strong urge to yesterday. So I did and I was let down. I had a knot in my throat and my face was hot but I just could not cry. Nothing would come out.

I'm so tired. I don't want to go to the doctor anymore just to receive more bad news. I don't want to think about it. I don't even want to try anymore. Life was so much simpler when we used condoms and the possibility of pregnancy was non existent.

Sorry this post was so negative. I just needed to vent a bit.