It's been about 4 months since my ex boyfriend of almost 8 years and I decided to take a break to work on ourselves.. although I told him it was a break up unless we choose to try again. We we're together since we graduated high school and while I went to an out of state school for years on and off.

We always struggled with balancing our relationship and doing long distance and we weren't ever very healthy relationship wise. I have lots of things I feel resentful towards in our time together but I still feel like we should keep trying. He was my best friend, the only person I could talk to freely, I was so comfortable and when we tried, we we're happy.

But I went downhill when I was diagnosed with multiple autoimmune diseases and became depressed. I also felt like he wasn't doing enough to secure a good future together, it took him years to go to school or find a job that wasn't part time at Walmart... then once he had the job and new car and everything, he asked for a break.

I felt like he threw me away, but I agreed because I still wanted to work on my independence as a 26 year old who couldn't finish school because of my health and can't even work full time. I know I'm not in a good spot right now and I don't know if I will ever be but at least I tried SO hard to succeed in something but it took him, a healthy 26 year old forever to do anything.

I struggle with my mental health and I am scared that it will be a mistake if I try to contact him again to try better this time. Just a few weeks before we broke up we we're looking for neighborhoods to try to find an apartment. I'm lonely and scared for my future. I feel like there would be a better guy out there for me but I know I had such a good one that just needed more encouraging and maybe we needed therapy... Anyone have any advice or anything to help me sort out my feelings?