Need advice please

I have been dating my boyfriend for three years, he's the man I see getting married to, he's the man I wanna be with but theres one problem.

I have lied to him at the start of our relationship (I NEVER CHEATED) but little little lies like I'm going home but I'm actually going out with my friends stuff like that,later on when I got really serious with him I told him everything, all the truth later on, he stopped trusting me. He believed everything people told him..

These days he thinks I have been talking to a guy when I swear to god I'm not. We are in a long distance relationship so whenever my phone is busy he just assumes I'm talking to a guy.. I cut off all my guy friends for him because he was uncomfortable and even though his female friends make me uncomfortable, I didn't ask him to stop being friends with them.

I love him so so much and it just hurts if he's talking about breaking up and forgetting everything I did for him and leaving me over a false accusation.. I got suicidal thinking he will leave me.. he told me you can die I don't care, he told me his ex was better in other words... that killed me, it mentally killed me and my heart hurts physically literally like I can feel my heart ache, so I try to calm myself by not thinking about it because I don't want any trouble like heart problems etc.

also I called him and told him to talk to me about this but he was like I'm sleepy, I told him if he's not gonna talk to me about this I'm just going to think about it all night and cry.. he slept the next minute..

what should I do? It hurts my heart so bad but at the same time I don't want to leave him or get left by him, I love him more than anything in this world and I can't imagine a life without him, I'm tearing up just writing down "a life without him"...

He may sound bad here but trust me his good side is worth seeing, he's an angel most of the time.