to the other man

you were there when the man that said he loved me wasnt. you made me laugh. feel special. made my heart drop on Idk how many occasions. you showed me how a woman is suppose to be treated.. that was until my grandmother passed. I left for the funeral and when I came back you had someone else. a friend. I was so hurt..I went back to the man I walked away from. tried to make it work. held my smile everyday so you wouldn't see the pain I was in. I watched you kiss her and wished it was me. I saw you hold her and hoped one day it would be me. I heard you say I love you to her and my heart shattered. though I still was there and acted as a friend it killed me we weren't more. you still tried to sleep with me though. knowing we were both with other people. you still texted my phone. wanting to hook up. wonder how she would of felt if she knew what you were up to? some part of me believes she already knew. I tried staying away from you. ignoring your messages and hungry stare. but the way I felt about you trumped my ability to stay away. it was wrong. so so wrong. it's been months now since the last time we talked. you told me she left you. I felt bad for you at first. 2 years yall had been togther. I thought you needed a friend. someone to tell you that you'd find someone better. but you wanted a booty call. I keep thinking back to all the sweet things you use to say to me. the way you kissed me and how it literally made every bone in my body turn to mush. how my heart would jump when you said my name. you made me feel like you loved me. like I mattered. I hurt so bad for months. but I moved past it. attempted to fix what was left of my broken relationship then fell pregnant...twice.. I love the man I'm with but he has never made me feel the way you did. though I stay for my babies. try and make it work for my babies. I can't help but think of you every now and again. hoping your doing good. wondering if you think of me as much as I think of you. I don't flatter myself though. I know you dont. but sometimes..I wish you did.