5 weeks today. Miscarrying.

Trigger warning**

Last night I wiped after peeing and I saw it, brown blood. I tried to not feel scared. I know implantation bleeding is a thing, but I miscarried last year with my first pregnancy. An hour later I went to pee and red blood trickled down. This morning I work up and knew my baby was dying.

I can’t handle the pain I feel in my chest. Another baby lost. Another life I don’t get to keep. Why. What am I supposed to learn from this? Why twice? Why me?