Last night, I found out I was pregnant. I have just returned from an amazing holiday visiting friends and family in the U.K. With my SO and my mom and dad... I took a test on a whim, and it was the strongest positive one can get. In addition to that, I took two digital tests and both confirmed... I'm 20, living away from home to be in school, and working a minimum wage job at a restaurant and barely can scrape enough for my car payments. I haven't told my SO yet, and I'm absolutely terrified. I have no fear that he will leave me, in fact I know he will do the absolute opposite and want to do whatever he can, but this is going to ruin his life. I've already decided on an abortion, there is no way the two of us can bring up a child now, but it's killing me. I have never really had an opinion on abortion, but I grew up in a religious home where we were taught all lives were put here on purpose by God, and to take it away would be murder. I think of what it is, what they would be when they are older, if it has my SO's beautiful green eyes. Then I have to stop romanticizing it, and tell myself it's not going to stay. My family would be so disappointed in me, as I took a vow of purity to God when I was 17, and nobody knows that we have been engaging. If anybody has any advice, or coping mechanisms, please help me. I don't know how to deal with this, and I'm supposed to be studying for midterms... thank you for your attention and your listening

UPDATE:

I talked to him, and it went absolutely better than I thought it would. He responded perfectly, even during my breakdown. We both agreed it is best that we get an abortion. It kills me inside to be doing this, because we both cannot handle this right now. Many said adoption, and I don't think I would be able to carry the baby and then be able to just give it away. There's also the fear of judgement from my family and friends, and also my boyfriend having to live through not being able to be around me during my pregnancy, due to LDR. We can't afford an apartment right now, let alone a baby. The next one is going to work, and I will be posting again when that happy day comes :) Thank you all for the encouragement and the insight. This is a fantastic community, and I am so happy to see all of these women rallying around me during this really hard time for me. Thank you all once again ❤️❤️

UPDATE: Before we even had the chance to go to our first appointment, I miscarry. We were even considering keeping it, and we’re getting excited at the idea of possibly raising a child. We were going to talk some more about what we could do, and things we could adjust in our lives to get ready for a baby, if we wanted to keep it. After this conversation, I feel the life leave my body, and excruciating pain and lots of blood escape me. I’m sitting here heartbroken, feeling it coming out of me. I guess it is what I deserve. Thank you ladies for all your support and love!