I am still trying to process what has just happened. This is my second miscarriage. I can’t help but think there something wrong with me. What if I am not able to have kids of my own? I know adoption is always and option but it isn’t fair to my significant other to not be able to have the opportunity to have a mini him running around. It’s just not fair. I know god has a plan and I know everything happens for a reason but I just can’t seem to figure out what the reason is. I made it a week further than the first time. It’s still painful both physically and emotionally. I was so happy when I found out I was pregnant. I had stopped trying and stopped with the vitamins because I had lost hope it wouldn’t happen, then out of no where I missed my period and took a test. It said positive. A week later I took another one, the lines weren’t as dark. A couple days past and I start bleeding, so I take another test and the line says negative. All I can think to myself WHY ME? I Went to the hospital and they said I was highly susceptible to miscarrying again since I had done so once before. I tried to relax and take it easy. A couple days later I had to go back to the hospital because the blood got worse. They told me I had miscarried and my hcg levels had dropped completely. I just don’t understand why the people who shouldn’t have kids are the ones who are the first ones to have them. I don’t understand why the people who try so hard to have kids are the ones who struggle the most to have them. I am trying SO HARD to put a brave face on and be tough for everyone so they stop asking if I’m okay but it’s so hard. Everyone around me is pregnant or has just had a baby while I’m here struggling. When will it be my turn? How many times do i have to miscarry before I can have my rainbow baby? I’ve started to just give up on the whole trying to conceive thing. Maybe I’m just not supposed to have my own kids.