Trigger warning. I was assaulted almost two years ago. I went to therapy and moved on for the most part. Lately I've started dating again. I had a third date with a guy I wasn't that into. He insisted on paying for everything, and at the end of the night he said, "Well we can hang out at your place or mine?" I offered my place. I figured I'd make out with him a bit and send him on his way. Things started escalating quickly. He started taking my clothes off and I didn't know what to do. I wanted it to stop but couldn't find the words so I went along with it. I felt like I owed him. It was the third date. I invited him back to my place. Now my clothes were off. What did I expect? I didn't want him to get mad by stopping him. He kept making me talk dirty to him. He pinned my arms down which made me panicked and terrified inside. I went through the motions but the entire time I felt disgusted with what I was doing and how it made me feel. I just kept my eyes closed and kept wishing for it to be over. When it finally was I felt dirty and gross and took a burning hot shower. I feel used. I feel like sex is never going to be a pleasant thing for me again. I thought I was all better, but I guess I have a long way to go. Just needed to share this somewhere. Please let me know if you have any advice.