I'm not going to say that I know what you're going through, I don't. Everybody's relationship with depression is as unique as a fingerprint. What I will say is that I'm alive today and I never thought I would have made it this far.

This is not advice this is just what helped me to stay afloat sometimes;

1. It's not okay and it's not fine. Anytime somebody said this it made it worse. Someday, it will be okay. But right now, it is not. And that's allowed and valid. It's okay to not be fine.

2. Thinking that you wish you were happy and that you miss being happy got me nowhere. Focusing on who I used to be just made me hateful and self loathing. Strive to be content. Strive to be present. Striving to be happy will always feel like climbing a mountain that just keeps growing. Content is possible. And the secret is that being content will lead to happy someday.

3. For those who self harm: can you go five minutes without hurting yourself? You can do anything for 5 minutes. After those five minutes start again. Take it five minutes at a time. And if you mess up, it's okay. Try again. It's all about progress. Cutting one time less than the day before is progress. Do what you can. Try not to be hard on yourself if you relapse. It's okay. I promise.

4. When you feel like you just can't take it anymore, you need to find one thing that you can tolerate. Not something that makes you happy because sometimes there isn't anything like that, something that you can do to pass the time. Taking notes, petting your dog, coloring, counting your breaths. Just let your mind be open. Knowing that you are feeling your brain trick you can really help. Knowing that this isn't real. It's not your fault. You don't have control. But you do have control over your notes or petting your dog and your breathing. I got a heart rate monitor and when I was drowning I would try to get my heart rate down to its resting bpm. It took a ton of concentration and it also helps with panic attacks.

Things aren't okay right now, but someday they will be. Just take it five minutes at a time. I love you and I believe in you. I genuinely care about you.

If you're in a position where it's possible, therapy is so so important. And sometimes your first therapist isn't right for you, but don't give up on therapy.