I wasn't supposed to be born

My mother had my older sister. She then had a miscarriage a couple years later and the doctors said she could never have a baby again. Somehow, she became pregnant with me unexpectedly in a few years and she has hated me my whole life for it. She didn't want me and made it known. She tried to kill me many times and I never felt loved by her even as a child. She was so cold. I sometimes just wonder why God put me with a mother like that when I see all these other mothers here who would give anything for a rainbow baby. My heart is still broken.