do i share or not share. i have never felt so alone in my life. but here it is. after over a year of trying to expand our family we went in at 10 weeks and we heard those god aweful words, "there is no hearbeat". the baby stopped growing at 6 weeks. i have never felt so empty and helpless and yet at the same time have to love what i have, it is draining.

Two weeks i wait because maybe they are wrong with the timeline or the baby is just under developed, i have to have hope, right. i want to believe that there is nothing wrong with me or this baby. I am an emotional wreck for 2 weeks.

The day before I am scheduled for a D & C, July 22 is when i actually had the miscarriage and went to the ER at 6am. Oh my the pain and i have never seen that much blood before in my life, nothing could contain the amount of blood that was flowing out of me. everyone at the hospital was just beyond special to me but I wished that i didn't have to wait 7 hrs in ER to get the baby removed. but i had eaten to late the night before and the hospital wasnt prepared right away for this situation. my wonderful Dr had other responsibilities first as well but kept me updated all day and by the time the procedure was to happen she held my hand while going under.

Now comes the fun part telling everyone "we had a miscarriage" while seeing everyone else announcing there well deserved new babies but I'm jealous. but while telling people I just don't understand though, why do people feel the need to give advice or words of encouragement? NOTHING you say will make it better.

there is a piece of my heart that will always be missing. i know i blessed for my little boy, but we want him to have a siblings.

i know that there was probably something wrong with the baby but you dont need to tell me that. i don't freaking care if everything happens for a reason. i don't want to hear you can have another one. please tell me which child you would be willing to give up.

All you can and should say is im sorry for loss because that is what it is a loss.