I loved someone so much that I let abuse happen. I took a blind eye to all the abuse , hurt an lies. It's really set in. More and more. A couple nights ago I got on my knees and I cried , I sobbed like I have never before and asked my higher power to help me through this hell. Give me strength. Open my eyes. Today I was on my way to the dentist stupid me ran out of gas. I just didn't pay attention. Between me finding out I'm preggo at a horrible time and my grandfather dying and the abuse w him my mind is else where . I called him up n told him I ran out of gas . He didn't ask if I was ok, he first yelled at me calling me stupid. How can I run out of gas if I have gas money. So I hung up walked a couple miles with my 9 month old sun to the nearest gas station , bought a gas can and gas. On my way back to my car , gas can in one hand baby in other a man pulled over and started walking towards me and said take care of your son I have the gas can. I broke down in tears. Someone I don't even know showed me more compassion than my "fiancé" I don't know what to call him anymore .... it's going on an hr and since I hung up he has yet to ask if we were ok ... this has really opened my eyes ... two days ago he spit in my face and called me a whore. I feel so empty . Im so lost so so lost. I've realized he does not love me and it hurts so bad. My lip is busted . I feel empty and hurt . I don't know what to do anymore . I feel like giving up bc at the moment I have no one and I depend on him. I can't afford the bills by myself. He knows that . And on top of it I'm pregnant. I dance so I can't dance ( adult) being pregnant. Well I have to vent I don't know what to do but I don't think he will ever change and honestly I need advice . Like honestly do you think he has no love for me bc he spit in my face ... he puts his hands on my On a regular basis . Tells me he hates me, he can't stand me. I love him and if I make him that miserable then I told him he needs to go . Also he blamed his drug use on me :( of course and he says I don't care or help him .... it will hurt to end it but I don't think there is no working it out he is not sincere at all he treats me like garbage . HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME . Not to mention he hasn't did anything special for me at all :( kinda hurts especially bc I always did something for him .