When I was 7 (1999) my 10 year old step brother would touch me and have me touch him. When I told my mom (parents were divorced and I lived with my dad) she flipped out. Ended up going to court and therapists (very long drawn out process). My family was split and things got bad. Well after months of fighting they said that it’s “normal” for kids to “explore.” Well it stopped for a little while and started back up when I was about 11 (2003) This time things went farther. He would touch me and he would say it’s normal (like in the past). He also said if I said anything no one would believe me and if I did say anything it would ruin our family. Finally it would get to the point where he would come to my room and do anything he wanted (finger me, oral among other stuff). At 11 years old I lost my virginity to my step brother because it was normal. My step brother never physically forced me into anything (held me down or anything) but he made me truly believe mentally that what he was doing was ok. It happened a couple of times until I was 13 (2005 when I moved away to live with my mom in another state). From the time I was 13-16 there were other boys (18-22) who said it’s ok I won’t hurt you and everyone is doing it, it’s normal just don’t tell anyone. So mentally I allowed it to happen because it was ok to “explore.” I got pregnant when I was 16 (2008) with a really abusive boy and ended up losing it because he hit and pushed me. After I lost the baby my dad came and moved me back in with him, my wonderful step mom my sister and my step brother. I fell into the wrong crowd at 17 ended up smoking weed, doing pills and drinking a lot. While in the state that I was in I had been assaulted by not only my brother but 2 guys at a party that I was to drunk to fight off. I ended up telling my best friend (current boyfriend or 7years and father of my kids) what had happened and he has defended me and supported me since. I am completely insecure about my body. I feel dirty all of the time. I still feel uncomfortable with sex (have to have the lights off even when he is patient and loving and tries so hard for me to feel nothing but pleasure). The love of my life that has supported me mentally and physically is a year younger than me, we have been together since senior high 7years ago, have 3 beautiful kids together, and I still don’t know how to tell him about my brother. I can never get my innocence back. My step brother not only took my virginity but he took my voice away. He made it so it was ok for guys to rape me because it was normal. He took my power away, he took so much from me that I can never get back...for that I will always hate him!! The first time I had consensual sex was in 2010.