I lost my baby late January at 6 weeks. These past almost 9 months have been truly trying for me. It was my first baby and truly traumatic since I went thru it by myself due to my boyfriend working out of state. I sunk into a deep depression. Didn’t have no one I felt I could turn to. Started hanging with the wrong crowd and made some mistakes which led to me being put in a psychiatric hospital twice. I ended up quitting my job because I was too embarrassed to go back to work after I made my mistakes. I lost my car, about to lose my apartment basically everything because I’m too ashamed to show my face around my town almost 6 months later. I just wish I had someone to lean on when I went thru my miscarriage I can’t help but feel I wouldn’t have made the decisions I did if I had support thru that time. My due date was September 30 and in the days leading up to it and since it’s passed I feel myself becoming more and more depressed. A ex-associate of mine was pregnant at the same time as me. Our babies would have been anywhere from a few days to a few weeks apart. She has a beautiful baby girl and i have nothing. I have no friends due to my mistake and I don’t talk to my boyfriend about it because I don’t know how to since it’s been almost 9 months since I lost our baby. I feel like I’m about to lose it again. I find myself constantly daydreaming about my baby wishing he or she was here. Silently crying myself to sleep many of nights. The doctors tell you what to expect physically but no one can prepare you for what you go thru mentally. How it changes your outlook on having kids. How you constantly blame yourself wondering what you could have done differently so your child would still be alive. How scared I am at the thought of getting pregnant again and going thru this once again. I can’t take it. I just want my baby. But I know that will never happen. I didn’t even get to have an ultrasound, nothing to hold onto to solidify that my baby existed. That They were real. I honestly don’t know how much longer I can go on like this. I just wish I had someone to talk to