Long rant

I'm homeschooled because I have such bad anxiety of people calling me fat and making fun of me, but at the same time I've lost any motivation in my life that I don't even log on and do my work online or try to lose weight, I've always told people how I want to be someone in life but I've completely stopped caring or trying to fix things, I'm 5'2 and 212 pounds, so I know I'm fat, it's being going on for years that I've completely lost the will to live and be a productive person and get things done or be organized, I literally have not one friend not even my mom really, we stopped getting along because of how I am, I don't know if I need medical help or is it all mental, I don't like going to doctors so if I do have another problem I wouldn't know because I don't and won't go, I honestly don't know how I've become this person at such a young age, I've always been told I'm an old soul and I am and everyone treats me like I'm way older but I've lost all motivation and my mom stopped trying to motivate me because I stopped caring and listening, I don't know what to do because I never go through with things