I found my old diary and honestly I feel so sorry for myself I feel like you can read my depression. I was in such a bad place confused,sad,angry. I wanted to share it because like I said in the diary I feel like other people would relate to it somehow

August 6 2015 today I got to really know this girl in class her name is tania. it's crazy you know I actually wanted a friend with the same music taste i was into. we bonded on guys and music she invited me to a drag show mom said it would be ok to go out but idk my step dad hasn't spoken to me in a couple of weeks it's so frustrating b/c I don't get him he gets mad for everything I'm in the computer too long, I made a face, I said something, I didn't say something I mean he wants me to be a freaking robot. like I have to wait for his next command. I mean it's bad enough I give him my entire paycheck. i have to stay at home and not do anything I can't go out unless he knows what, when, and, where. I love step dad so much but he just can't accept the way I am like everything I do isn't good enough for him. but the boys can go out to the park by themselves like I'm 20 years old. I don't know.i want to be independent and move out and then sometimes I wish I could just stay here an have the guy in dating meet my parents and go out without worrying about if dad would find out. I wish he would respect me as a daughter like I need privacy but literally he is in all my social media accounts talk about keeping taps on me they want to go to florida but honestly I don't want to mostly because I feel like I need to get away from them Is that bad that I don't want to be with them anymore? it's just that every time stepdad ignores me it's like he is pushing me away like he has no boundaries. I wanted to keep a journal for so long but he likes digging through my stuff to find it and then reads it with the boys. like really you have to do that and then he tells me "I am in your social media because you don't talk to me and I want to know about you ..... really? when I try to tell him something he thinks I'm drunk because i would never tell him that when I am sober like I don't get it all he sends is mixed signals and I'm tired of them then he throws the childish fits punching and throwing everything getting super drunk and yes I have trust issues but honestly when you bio grandad molest you and your bio dad takes his side several of your mom's boyfriend try to molest you too can you really trust man? I don't even believe in marriage anymore I don't want to live the rest of my life witha a man who beats cheats and thinks it's ok to be like this to me everyday I really rather be called a whore before being the idiot that stayed with an abuser my mom raised me perfectly without my father honestly I don't know what to do now I think I'll just concentrate on work and try to be successful i hope someday I can give this to my niece and hopefully make her understand that we all go through the same things in life and sometimes it's feels like we are the only ones.************************** 2017 today I am still saving up for my apartment I moved to florida dumped the guy I was dating my step dad still doesn't talk to me I have an amazing boyfriend I'm still working on my career I have goals of getting married and having children I don't let people control me anymore it hard when you grow up like that because when you finally get free and you got to make your own decisions you feel like you need someone's approval or permission to continue I wanted to share it because I feel like I have grown past this and I feel like my future is brighter than I thought it would be