Today I gave birth to the sweetest and STRONGEST little girl. Delilah Casey Fenn was born via C-Section at 11:37am weighing in at 5lbs 4oz and 17.3 inches long

despite being 6 weeks premature (34 weeks and 3 days). Despite being little she is fierce! She battled an extremely rare and deadly condition of pregnancy called TRAP where a dead twin continues to grow and feeds off blood Delilah pumped it because they shared a placenta, this can put MAJOR strain on her heart causing massive heart failure. We knew we had twins at 6 weeks but learned at 9 she had passed and had no idea until the day I was admitted she had turned into this. We mourned at 9 weeks and remained objective while dealing with the thought of our passed baby becoming this disfigured being and say “our daughter passed at 9 weeks this isn’t her”, but now that this is all said and done I can’t help but think had this whole thing not happened I would leave the hospital with two identical baby girls 💔I have been in antepartum for 55 days straight to monitor her and her heart. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but the second I heard that tiny cry i would do it again a million times. that has a 50%-90% mortality rate in utero that affects only 1 in 40,000 pregnancies with only a handful making it to the finish line and she did it with flying colors. I am the ONLY person on Glow to have ever posted about TRAP. My C-Section was planned but I burst into tears at the beginning during the epidural because they wouldn’t let my husband in there and he’s my rock. She is currently in the NICU with a CPAP mask on to help her lungs stay open in between breaths to make it easier but is on MINIMAL oxygen, perfect temp, perfect blood sugar, and great APGAR scores. The only thing that’s ended up being an issue is she has some fluid in her lungs that they are monitoring so that it doesn’t turn into pneumonia so we will see how that progresses as well as her feeding as she is on a feeding tube until she is off the CPAP mask! However, all things considered her Daddy and I couldn’t be happier with her health and current status. Hopefully I can do some skin to skin tonight! She is the light of our lives and we can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives loving her! Oh, and she came out with a full head of pretty dark brown hair! 💜

ALSO: I want to apologize I know I have a lot of errors and I rambled and what not in my post. Lol my husband just pointed them out to me but keep in mind I’m on a LOT of pain medication and cant concentrate enough to go find and correct them 😅

UPDATE: She is actually sicker than I could comprehend without seeing her last night.💔 My husband is always SO excited when he comes back from seeing her that I didn’t think anything was super wrong. I thought she was only on a tiny bit of oxygen but turns out she was at 50% one day yesterday and 35% when I called to check on her around 3am. We can’t talk to her and we have to whisper in her pod and if we touch her it has to be firm flat hand on the back no stroking because she CANNOT be stimulated too much because if she gets too excited or frustrated her stats drop. They even avoid changing her diaper as much as possible as to not overstimulate her. She has an ultrasound on her heart this morning to make sure there’s no damage from the months of over exerting in utero. I was sitting there staring at her trying to pump bedside when her stats dropped in front of me the first time and I flipped out and started bawling (I hadn’t napped at ALL since before my surgery and was very drugged up) but my husband stood in front of the nurse with HIS hands on her back instead of hers and held her down for a minute and she calmed down and even though I was uncontrollably sobbing...I have never lived to see something more beautiful than the way he looks at her. He’s a pro at helping the nurses and I felt so disconnected and kind of jealous because I couldn’t even touch her with the flat hand because my wheelchair was too short and I couldnt lean yet. I feel MUCH better today so I’m hoping my visits today go much better...they said we could be here a week up until her due date of 12/1 just depending on how quickly we can fix her breathing💜

UPDATE#2: She was breathing so hard and fast she popped a hole in her left lung and it collapsed this after noon so she has a chest tube. 💔Still haven’t gotten to hold her and I can’t until her tube comes out which we’re hoping is by Saturday. 💜

UPDATE #3: WOW! Thank you guys so much for all your kind words yesterday was by far the most emotional day of my life-even more than the day she was born. All her health problems and my supply came to a screeching halt and I was pumping every two hours and got NOTHING so that was very upsetting, BUT today it’s doubled at almost every session so I’ve almost caught up to how much she’s currently eating so don’t give up! Her blood sugar was was really low yesterday too but they got better today so we’re weaning her off the sugar water tomorrow! She was SO much better today. They decided to leave her alone today and do no procedures and let her have a chill day. Even though the chest tube is scary she was SO much calmer because she could actually breathe her resp rates are still a tiny bit high but WAY better than yesterday. She was taking around 130 breaths a minute yesterday which is why her lung popped and today it way better than that. I still can’t hold her but they let me and my husband each change 1 diaper each and take her temp and we were so excited it’s the most we’ve gotten to touch her bare skin. We got the chill day we wanted only thing that happened was we got some unexpected news about the TRAP twin which was pretty upsetting. Like I said we tried not to think of it as our daughter that passed but pathology determined it resembled too much like a baby and by Texas state law we had to burry or cremate it. We were told it wouldn’t look like a baby(basically thought it would look kind of like a potato based on ultrasound) but during my c Section my doctor mentioned it had hair and I almost threw up from shock. We have pictures on a flash drive but we just aren’t ready to look at it yet. So now we have to bury it or cremate it when we were hoping it could be donated for research to help the next family dealing with this rare condition to better understand it. I know that’s controversial but we thought at the time it’s what was best to help us emotionally. She will be cremated and then buried at our hospital in the hope garden. We came to terms with it together today that it was her so that we could move on and focus on our Delilah. She is absolutely amazing and SO cute. Everytime i pump next to her the longing to pick her up and put her to my chest is overwhelming. I can’t wait for some skin to skin. Her nurse said today was so calm she got to put little bows on her and make her a sign so here’s a sweet picture of her and her bow! 💜💜💜