I'm too terrified to get implonon removed

It expired in September and I am just too scared to get it removed. I started

Can I just leave it in my arm? I have anxiety issues and just reading about it makes me have a panic attack. the BC pill so pregnancy isn't an issue. I do not want children ever so fertility is not a concern.

The only way I could get it removed is if I was put to sleep for it. I've used valium and xanax before (prescribed) and they help some, but not with something as terrifying as this. Is there any doctor that would put me to sleep for it?

It's either that or it stays in forever.

Honestly, and I know this sounds insane, but if it absolutely hasto be removed and I can't be put to sleep for it, I am considering suicide. I'm not suicidal, I don't want to die, but that's how terrifying the removal is for me.

I just don't know what to do. Someone please help me.

In my mind I KNOW it's not "worse than" getting it inserted but that still doesn't make me feel any better about it. I dont know why it scares me so much, but it does. I hate how stupid i am for this but I just don't know what I can do.