I hope this helps one momma.

I’ve never posted before, but I’m hoping that if I write this out it can help maybe one new Mom feel better.

I found out I was pregnant in January and 100% planned on exclusively breastfeeding. I bought creams, nipple pads, and made Lactation cookies all in preparation. When I started leaking colostrum before my little one was born I was so excited that it may have been a sign that my milk would come in and all would be easy.

Two weeks ago my 8lb 10 oz baby boy came screaming into this world. The nurse took one look at my nipples and immediately threw a nipple shield my way saying it would make things easier. I was all about it, the nurse should know what would work, right? Well, it worked, but it hurt. I knew it would, but I thought it was supposed to get better over time. Three days in and I was in tie curling, tears streaming pain. So I went to see a lactation consultant. She definitely helped and I had renewed hope that I would be successful with breastfeeding.

Night after night, I sat in my rocking chair holding my sweet boy to my chest and encouraged him to latch. Night after night the pain got worse. My frustration got worse. My tears came harder. All I could think was breast is best. All I could think was that I’m failing. At 2am I would look at my son and I would cry. I would get mad if he released my nipple because that meant the painful matching process would have to happen again. I would cry, I would snap at my husband, and I would snap at my son.

Finally, I thought to myself, I can’t keep doing this. I dreaded feedings. I resented my son. Hardest of all I hated myself for failing. So I decided to try pumping, and my world shifted. It felt so much better!!! At first I thought I could pump enough to give my boobs a break, then breastfeed at night. In the end I decided to pump exclusively and give my little guy bottles. It was the best decision I could have made.

I now love feedings. I look into my sons eyes and tell him how much I love him, I sing, and I tell him stories.

I guess my point in all this is, we all have the best intentions and we will sacrifice for the benefit of our children. But at a certain point you have to do what’s best for yourself. Whether it’s breastfeeding, pumping, or formula. Feeding your child is what matters. Do whatever you have to do so that you can look at your child with love in your eyes and enjoy every moment with them. Don’t be so hard on yourself momma. You’re child won’t care how they were fed when they grow up. But I will care about the memories I have of this precious time with my sweet boy.

You can do it moms!