Trying to love myself

It’s so hard to love the body you’re in when you’ve put it through different stages. I started out super chunky and when I met my SO he motivated me to get in shape but I went about it the wrong way. I wanted it to happen fast so I stopped eating bread, chips, potatoes, pasta, etc... I got addicted to laxatives and was also purging. I would run 2 miles before school, run another one when I got home, then a whole workout before I went to bed. I went from 130 to 100 pounds. After he got me out of that mind set I started working out and eating the right way and got to 115. But then I got pregnant and got to 165, after having my baby I am now 120-128. I fluctuate pretty fast. For some reason I can’t accept my weight now, I just want to have a flat tummy again. But I also don’t want my supply to drop if I workout or eat a certain weight. I notice if I do cardio I don’t produce as much if I didn’t. I want to add in cardio just because I love to do it and incorporate it with my weights. I just want to be able to love my new body. This was kind of just a vent.