Hello,

I just need a space to release this ick feeling anonymously.

An ex and I, who I really connected with and thought that we were going to endure the long haul, broke up about two months ago. Still cordial and cool with one another post breakup.

This ex and I have been intimate, but very precautious and cautious, as I did not want them to experience the surprise of H like I did. I asked them to get tested recently for the sake of my sanity, and the conversation went well, except there was slight panic in their voice.

That made me panic. I panicked so badly that it took me back to the moments where I felt like damaged goods and no one would ever want me. I can’t believe I panicked that badly! 😢 I haven’t felt like damaged goods in a long, long, long time. I was good before I met this person so it’s not the absence of a relationship. I do not like going through this with an ex. I’d rather go through this with someone I’m married to, especially since me personally, I’d rather be in a long term committed relationship.

I’ll get through this, but gosh those feelings were so foreign and feeling them again almost took me to a very dark place I swore I’d never go down again.