How does it feel to be really happy, to really know what you truly want when it comes to a man....

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year and like 4 months, he is 29yrs old, and I’m only 20 turning 21 in a couple of months.

I don’t know if it’s the age difference, but he and I are truly “in love”

what if he’s only in love and I am not? Why do I feel like I’m not... I say I’m in love with him but then random times I feel like I hate him for being a dick all the time but he doesn’t see the way he can talk to me sometimes. I know the way he talks when he’s nice and friendly and I can tell when he talks to me as if he’s irritated and has an aggressive tone in his voice, but then he will point Fingers saying I’m a bitch when I’m trying to talk to him.... how am I a bitch for trying to communicate nicely and calmly. We always point

fingers at each other, he always has to WIN. He makes me look dumb and stupid when I try to be right.... WE ALWAYS POINT FINGERS BUT I AM ALWAYS WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING.

well, sometimes I get treated like I’m 5, but then he knows I am capable of being an adult, who shouldn’t have insecurities. He has a problem with me being VERY emotional about everything, but it hurts that he can always accuse me for every problem we have because I start them every time, and way we finish our arguments is by him ignoring the last thing I’d say..

Being emotional is what I am, I feel better when I cry, I feel better when I let everything out or when I communicate with him, sometimes I feel insecure when we watch movies with Tits and asses always out, it makes me feel awkward. He’s watched porn behind my back once, he searched weird cartoon sexual things a few times...

I feel better saying what I want to say... he responds “well, there are so many things I can complain and tell you what irritates me, but I wouldn’t act emotional nor tell you what these problems I have about you because theres no reason to make arguments or our fights worst.. he’s an adult, who knows what life is really about.

We thought to prevent more arguments and fights, moving in together would be the best idea.. but I keep telling him what if we keep arguing and fighting... he responds “the only way to prevent this is if you stop being emotional, if you stop starting every problems, if you stop crying, blah blah blah”.

Is he right? Am I just too emotional, am I just to insecure? Do I need to stop? Or is it him that’s not helping my situations? What is it? Being 20 is hard, but when he treats me as if I’m dumb and believes i can learn to do everything on my own... the only way I can do that is by being single.

I love him to death, and I want to be with him forever.. he’s so sure and 100% that he wants to be with me forever, what do I do in my part?