Ive been alone for a while and i learned to accept that because i knew i still had some people that i casually talked to and a couple that i could actually talk to but now i don’t have those two people i felt like i could share anything with and I’m completely reevaluating everything. I’m completely alone. But not the typical lonely alone that you feel because I’m borderline sociopathic apparently and i don’t feel things the same way others do. I don’t “miss” people; i don’t react is someone leaves because I’m used to it. To me, someone is there one day and isnt the next. Thats all. Even my family; my sister went away to college and to me its nothing but my parents talk to her every day and text each other “I LOVE YOU” every night like they’re never going to talk again.
My boyfriend and my best friend are the two people i thought i could go to but me and my boyfriend are fighting because hes not going to school again (he had to drop out of high school his junior year because he just stopped going and failed all his classes so now he’s taking classes at the community college) so ive been trying to talk to my best friend about some things because shes constantly complaining that i never tell her anything. She knows i used to cut and for halloween i put lipstick on my wrist to look at the colors and today they just looked like two cuts to me so i told her that and that it was highkey triggering and she left me on read. Later on i said something else about almost crying in class and she just ignored me again so i called her out on it and she just said “i don’t know how to help you” which is fine i don’t blame her but it would have been nice of her to say that instead of just ignoring me and making me feel like i have literally no one? I don’t even feel lonely, i just feel trapped, not only by my own stupid emotions, or lack thereof, but also because i can’t talk to literally anyone so here i am shouting to the void about my stupjd ass problems at 3:30am because no one will read this and I’m just as alone as i was before.