Scared to become pregnant again

So my first son is soon 1year old and I would like to try for second child but I'm scared as sh*t because with my first it was a nightmare for me. I didn't plan the pregnancy and was living in another country at the time. I found out really early but my blood sugars were awful before that, after i got two lines I put myself together and got my blood sugars under control. Real problems started on my second trimester when blood sugars started to play tricks and I always felt like the nurses and doctors didn't give a sh*t about me and thy were so rude all the time. Basically I didn't get any help with my diabetes because there was always some communication problems between nurses and be cause of that I missed many times my diabetes nurse appointments because they "forgot" to give me the dates it was supposed to be. I had to do it all by myself and no matter how hard I tried it still wasn't good enough because couple days high blood sugar was already too much and many times that was the time before I could figure out which insulin dose I had to change and how much. So I ended up many times in hospital to monitor my blood sugar instead for the nurse just make quick appointment with me and tell me what to do or just call me. For them it usually took only few minutes to figure out how. And every time i had my midwife appointment I just got some nasty looks and they really said things to me that made me feel like I was the shi*tiest person alive. I ended up being induced at 37weeks because my son was measuring too big and they were scared to let me go on with my pregnancy. My son was born 37+1 "naturally" and he had to go to nicu. I had barely few minutes to hold him and then they took him away. At first it was supposed to be just a check up and nothing serious but then the next morning I went to see him he was surrounded by monitors and i couldn't even hold him. His breathing was little weak and blood sugars low. After some time they also found out his heart was too big. Again every time some dr came to tell us what's going on with our son first thing they begin with was telling me how basically it was all my fault because I didn't keep my blood sugars under control. Every day new dr and the same sh*t while my son was right there beside me full of wires to monitor him. As if it wasn't enough for mother to watch her son suffer there. I was in tears. A week passed and we were transferred to another hospital. We ended up being 3weeks in hospitals before we could go home for the first time. This experience has left me with such trauma that I'm scared as sh*t to get pregnant again but then again I really wish to have another children. I feel like I would just like to run away and never show my face to any dr or nurses if I ever get pregnant again. 😔