So when my ex and I broke up I was really vulnerable and honestly trying to get it from anyone who would give me attention. I knew this one dude had been trying to get in my pants since he met me so I texted him for a booty call. The rules I laid down was that he would tell no one and we could back out at any moment. We planned to have sex after I got off work at 10am. (I only worked for 2 hours. Shitty shifts I know) we didn’t know where we were gonna do it but He had a late night the night before so I was a little thankful when I was driving home from work and he didn’t text me after I asked him if we were still on. At that point I was beginning to have second thoughts. About a minute later he said “I’m not letting you go that easily I’ve waited 2 years for this” and he told me where to meet him. At this point I’m like shit I don’t want to do this, but I felt obligated to please him. He’s a big dude and I was kinda scared tbh. I drove to his buddy’s apartment incredibly nervous and not horny at all. I was waiting in the parking lot for what seemed like a half hour debating with myself whether or not to just leave. I told myself I have to now because it’d be rude if I just left. He came and he took me to the apartment. I was so nervous to even kiss him and I told him I was scared to make the first move. I didn’t tell him I was scared in general. He basically attacked me mouth first and started feeling me up. He led me to the bedroom and we took our clothes off. He made me go down on him even though I kind of wanted to cry cuz it was awful. He told me that he wanted to 69 and I told him 3 times that I wasn’t comfortable with that but he kept saying “come on” and the last time he said it I could hear anger/irritation in his voice. That was kind of the worst part. I wasn’t sure if he’d hurt me if I didn’t so I was scared to say no throughout it. Later he tried to stick it inside me it hurt so badly. He paused after a second and I asked “are you okay, is it in?” He seemed Unphased by the latter question but he told me he had finished. He left the room and I hated myself and what I’d done. I felt humiliated and he later kicked me out because he was done with me. I thought that’s what a one night stand was supposed to be like, butt when I told a retired military cop, he told me I was date raped because I felt I couldn’t say no. Right now, I’m not trusting his judgment since the retired military cop is more than twice my age and took advantage of my vulnerability by manipulating me, so I don’t trust him anymore.

The other dude ended up coming to my work a few months later after hours to try to do it again but I grew a lot in that time so I actually had the courage to basically tell him to fuck off.

What do you guys think? Sorry about the subject. I expect some hate so I understand.