If it’s not okay, it’s not the end!


All I keep thinking as I lie in bed is the quote, everything will be ok in the end, if it’s not ok, it’s not the end.

After almost 4 long and painful months of pumping, my baby boy is breastfeeding like a champion! We saw lactation consultants, a chiropractor, a cranial sacral therapist, a pediatric dentist. He had tongue tie surgery. We used a nipple shield, an SNS...we syringe fed, spoon fed. We tried everything. This kid hated breastfeeding from day one, he would scream at my breast for 45 mins to an hour every time I tried to feed him. By 1.5 weeks old I was a devastated exclusive pumper. I felt like I was giving up, I had zero answers, but no one was sleeping and emotionally I was at my breaking point. I still offered breast from time to time, to no avail. But a few days shy of 4 months old I tried again. We took a long walk to try and keep him awake a little longer before bed, then got in the tub together. He was sleepy, but not fussy, and kept trying to suck my hand. I offered him boob and he took it right away, ate for 30 mins. Even though I was sure it wouldn’t last, I sat there uncomfortably hunched over in cold bath water and took in every minute of it. I decided to keep offering the breast throughout the night, of course with my backup bottle handy for when the inevitable screaming began. But I never needed it. By morning he was latching in a matter of seconds. The next day we breastfed in a restaurant without a cover. I never ever imagined it could happen like this, let alone be so easy.

All that pumping. All the plugged ducts. All the tears. So worth it. I feel like I’m dreaming and I’ve never been happier.