Some of this is just a rant and (over)thinking aloud but I️ really appreciate any opinions you girls might have!

First off my mom and I️ haven’t always had a great relationship. It’s mostly a difference in personality but my mom is also getting older and is very needy, emotionally. She likes to be the center of attention (whether it’s good or bad). She also lives in Mexico, so there is travel to consider. For an example, her visits usually consist of her being excited to see me the first few days becsuse she misses me and not seeing me for so long makes her extremely anxious, then getting bored a few days later because I️ work and she has nothing to do (we plan activities after work). She finds things to do which are either cleaning my house and/or drinking (she knows I️ don’t like alcohol in the house so she tries to hide it) and in the end we have an argument about anything and she leaves vowing never to return. The cycle replays itself about two or three times a year.

Knowing this, my initial plan was to not have her here for the birth at all and ask her to visit a month later. She has already hinted that she’s upset I️ haven’t already invited her to live with me after the birth to “help.” I️ don’t doubt that I️ might need or want help after coming home, but I️ do NOT want her around. I️ worry that her help will get in the way and she’ll criticize me for doing things wrong. Also being needy, I️ May end up having to take care of her and entertain her too along with caring for the baby.

But now that the baby shower is coming up I’m struggling to invite her. I️WANT her to be a part of it all... just not too much. I’m afraid she’ll want to stay the month between the shower and the birth “just in case.” I️ worry if something happens, she’ll just freak out and get in the way.

All that being said I️ worry that she’ll resent me for making her miss out on the birth of her first grandson when everyone else is allowed near the newborn at the hospital. Basically I️ want her there for her own benefit but I️ don’t want her smothering us. I️ want her to get a hotel room and have limited visitation because I️ want time alone with my husband and baby without her butting in to “help” and criticize. Am I️ being rude?!