I'm mentally getting drained, this is only month 4 of TTC & I feel so hopeless.

I'm sick of being out of control of MY body.

I'm sick of all the money being wasted on tests that I think I see a line but question and stare at for what feels like hours and are probably negative.... actually are negative. But tell myself it could be positive over and over again to keep my sanity.

I'm sick of this sick feeling inside of me when I think about how I can't do the one thing I've always wanted and just have a baby when everyone around me who doesn't want one is getting pregnant.

I'm sick of feeling lost & like none of my friends get it, they'll never understand why I'm so obsessed with the process and why I have to try to track ovulation and count days & test 5 days before my period because it's driving me fucking crazy not knowing if it's "finally my month".

I'm sick of knowing so much about the process & wondering if it's a symptom or just me having reflux for a whole 30 seconds.

I'm sick of feeling hopeful and then feeling all my period symptoms hit me at once.

I'm sick of thinking about the miscarriage I had 2 months ago, & how I was so close.

I'm sick of tweaking tests every way I can to see if that like I think I see even exists or has color to it.

I'm sick of taking meds that make me feel like shit.

I'm sick of all of this, it's only been 4 months and I'm fucking sick of it. Kudos to you warriors who have been battling infertility whether it's years or months. Because this is the hardest thing I've felt with in my life and I've dealt with some shit. I just want to be a mom.