need help with my jealousy 😔

AMR • on a weight gaining and yoga journey... one day we will be a family of four 🙏🌈

we have to wait to ttc #2. we tried for a year, I had a very early miscarriage, and I've lost a lot of weight since #1. at first it was healthy weight loss, then anxiety got worse and I ended up 25 lbs under weight. I'm recovering now and I've gained 5 lbs back so far. but we have to wait to ttc until I'm healthy again. I've been feeling really good about it until I saw an old friend the other day. she has a young child, a young toddler, and a newborn. the newborn looks just like her big sister and they were so sweet together and the big sister was so in love with her it just felt like seeing that was like ripping a scab off that had finally started to grow over a wound. like as soon as they left I burst into tears like a child. then at yoga last night a pregnant woman came to class. she's very nice and has done nothing to me. but she was talking about her surprise baby and how she didn't want more than 1 child but she was going to make it all work. she sounds lovely and selfless and cracked jokes with people. she was really nice. but I wasn't ready to see her and I had to ignore her because I didn't want to be mean but it made me feel so ashamed and stupid. I don't want to be jealous. I want to be happy for people who are expecting or ttc. ugh. I'm so over myself.