Tomorrow I'll be seeing a counselor, and Tuesday I'll be seeing my family doctor. while at work today I had an evaluation of my performance on something (which we do a number of times a week to ensure quality) and instead of my average 94% or so and higher, I had a 66% and spiralled into a manic state. it was the final straw, and I couldn't take anymore.

in august we lost our baby and I was 2 and a half months pregnant. in February this year I lost my dad.

it's embarrassing to reach out, it's hard, it's uncomfortable. I told my manager what's been plaguing my mind. I've been thinking of suicide the passed few months, but in the last few weeks, it's been bad. it's been every other day. I'm exhausted mentally and feel like I'm going to freak out all the time. am I the only one?? I feel so alone...like im the only one around me going through this tragedy. my nephew and his girlfriend unexpectedly are having a baby and it is also driving me nuts. my sister in-law sent out a FB message with the ultrasound pic and I've been in pieces since. I feel worthless and like I don't want to be here anymore. so alone. so cold...I just need to know I'm not alone.