Feel uncomfortable about my stepdad meeting my newborn
My stepdad was with my mum since I was 5 and I'm now 35 and expecting my daughter in January.
My mum and stepdad divorced around 5 years ago but he is still in our lives although we don't see him often.
A few things happened in my early teen years which I have been dwelling over since I found out I was having a baby girl, I've sort of pushed them to the back of my mind and not thought about them until recently, they just seem to be taking over my every waking moment.
My stepdad didn't allow me to shave my legs, he had to be the one to shave them for the first time at 13 to show me how it was done properly. I did mention this to my aunt who I'm really close to, and she said it was wrong - I don't know if she mentioned this to my mum or not. I'm too scared to bring it all up again.
When we had moved to a new house and was renovating, whenever I wanted to have a bath he would go up to the attic above the bathroom and be banging and hammering as if he was fixing things up there.. this could have been nothing but I found it too coincidental that it was only when I wanted a bath.
A couple of times when I went for a bath I noticed a camcorder with the red light on (as If it was recording) hidden in the washing basket and pointing at the bath while I was in it. I think I was only about 12/13 at the times these things were happening?
I vaguely remember saying something about the camcorder but can't remember if I said it to my mum or my stepdad, and the excuse I was given was that it was in there because the camcorder wasn't working properly and he was trying to warm the battery up to see if that would fix it. Again, I don't know if it was my stepdad that told me this direct, or if it was my mum that had told me this after being told by my stepdad.
Please be honest with me ladies, am I overreacting here? Am I thinking things way beyond what they were, i.e., simple reasons behind it all?
I haven't spoken to anyone about these things because I suffer so bad with anxiety and I actually fully fear confrontation and conflict, which, if I was to bring this up with my family I'm 100% certain it will all kick off And that really scares me.
But now I'm expecting my baby girl and the thought of him being around her actually turns my stomach. I mentioned that I don't want anyone kissing my newborn until her immune system has developed properly and he went on the offensive and was very disrespecting of my wishes. I don't know the way forward :(
Edited to add: thanks for the support ladies, in glad it's not just me over thinking things.
I can't speak to my mother as I don't have that kind of relationship with her. She was very much all him before the divorce, and now she likes to play the victim A LOT, about everything, so I don't know how this kind of conversation would fit in. And she would tell EVERYBODY so she could get sympathy and I'm so not ready for that.
I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that my concerns are valid and not all in my head.
I don't know how to cut him out of my life without raising suspicion to the rest of the family, he brought me up from 5 yrs old as he moved us to a different country when I was 9 which made things harder to see my real dad (once a year) who now doesn't have any contact with me.
I'm slowly distancing myself from him so as not to raise suspicion, I don't really know what else to do, I feel stuck. My partner doesn't know, I want to tell him but he is the kind of bloke that would go mental and confront my stepdad which I don't want.