Okay so... it’s 4:00 in the morning ( as I’m typing) and I can’t go back to sleep. I’m too worried sick to go back to sleep. I posted something like this before but it was shorter but not very detailed like this one so it’s gonna be long... bare with me and it’s important to read carefully before you comments. Comments from my previous short post had already made me realize that the decision I made was stupid so no need to tell me. I’m getting so many thoughts and I’m scared like as if my life is over. I expect no one to be a professional doctors unless you are one. It would awesome if you are tbh. Nice reassurance, related stories, advice would ease my stress level. Please, I’m just a 17 in a half year old girl that’s scared.

Last Sunday.... I had sex with my boyfriend of four years. We used a condom, of course and I’m on the pill. I got back on the pill after a month because Kaiser didn’t have my pills ready. Anyways, the condom broke two times but we stopped right away each time. I took it as a sign to stop so we did (I should’ve took the first one has a sign because the first time wasn’t as long as the the second time). We haven’t had sex in a while because I used to freak out (just like this) everytime we did it but not the last last time, which was July. I thought I wasn’t gonna think too much of it this time. Since I would always stress out after everytime we had sex, I thought I wasn’t ready for sex but at the moment, I felt like I was.

After I got home, I started to remember and think about if I was ovulating; fertile or not. I checked myself and I saw not very much discharge. It wasn’t slippery, or clear, or anything. It was more sticky on my fingers but dry on my underwear. Based on research, it looked like I wasn’t. And according to apps, I wasn’t so I was relieved and I felt okay. For some reason, I thought about taking plan b to be safe. I had $49 and I was looking up to see if it’s safe to take it with birth control pill. I saw “Yeah it’s okay.” and “Emergency contraceptive may be an option if you had unprotected sex or experienced birth control failure.” I talked to my boyfriend about it the next day. I was telling him I wasn’t all that worried but I was just thinking about taking it to be super safe and just in case. I told him I would think about it. He was telling me that he noticed discharged on my underwear when he took it off and according to description of infertile discharge, he said it matched to mine. We both agreed that no plan b is need then. Later that night, after his wrestling practice was over, he texted me getting worried and overthinking.

He first texted, “I hate to ask again, but are you sure about not getting Plan B?” I responded, “Yeah, why?” He said, “I'm just overthinking a bit. I'm sure that you're gonna be okay.” I started to get a feeling he is really worried so I said, “Babe if you feel like taking plan B would be better, I would take it” He responds, “I honestly feel like I would feel better about it if you did. It's just that I don't want to keep thinking too much about it and having to keep getting Plan B every time we have sex.” So I told him I don’t mind and we can get Plan B. Since either of us can’t drive, his oldest brother can and he can help us out if he is available the next day. Turned out he was so the next morning, I lended him my money and after school ended for me, him and his girlfriend (my best friend) delivered it to me. I took it and I felt fine. It made everything feel better and I thought we can now relax and move on. I never thought once I was gonna be in this position..

Saturday, I finished my last row of pills and I haven’t received my period and I started to get very worried so I researched and I read it is possible that it’s the side effect of plan B. I didn’t think much until I text my best friend. I told her what has been going on and how worried I am. When she said “oh shit” I’m like “oh fuck. That doesn’t sound good.” She asked “do you think plan might be messing you up?” I told her yeah, according to research, it’s probably it. She asked if she and her boyfriend could get a test for me and I said “yes please.” I told her I should test on Tuesday and she asked why? Because that’s when I took plan b and I can try by then and on Saturday (when I’m fully a week late.) All day yesterday, on Sunday, I thought I felt flowing and it’s just my brain fucking with me. She told me “Honestly don't stress out you don't know anything for sure yet you're not doing yourself any good by worrying yourself so much. You need to relax. We're all here for you. Do you think it would be a bad idea if you didn't take your pill tonight? The white one, I mean. Because if your period is just late, you won't know if you take a white pill because those prevent periods. But then again if you skip a pill that'll mess everything up as well if this is just a false alarm.” She said it’s up to me so I made a post on here to see what people would say (the post was similar to this but much much shorter) It was about should I take continue taking birth control pills and it had a little bit of my situation. After reading 11 comments, I go to the restroom and I used a wet wipe, I see blood on the wipe. But the blood seemed light with slight red color and pink. It was kinda a lot so I was so happy and relieved, I texted her and said “I GOT MY PERIOD” and she was like “YAY!!” I told my boyfriend and I was feeling a slight cramp and I was relaxed and everything. I deleted the post. Moments later, I went to the bathroom and notice on my pad, I wasn’t bleeding a lot. There was just a small stain of blood but it was light and it turned slight brown when it was fully dried. I wiped again and noticing the blood was so light and there’s wasn’t a lot this time. It looked like it was starting to stop. I started to become worried again and I text my best friend again. I told her and she was like “motherfuck, like spotting?” My stomach turns and I’m like “oh shit. Oh shit.” When she swears with worry when it comes to this, I feel like my life would be over. I start to panic and I was gonna cry. I went to the bathroom again and I notice that I’m bleeding lesser. I think it officially stopped after I took my first pill on the new packet. I told my boyfriend and my best friend everything what’s going on. My boyfriend was telling me that everything is going to be okay and according to research that it is possibly a side effect. Plus I could be spotting for many other reasons too like stress, taking birth control again (especially after a month), hormone changes, the beginning of my period,etc. He was trying his best to calm me down. My best friend, on the other hand, was too. Eventually I finally relaxed after a hot shower and lit up my incense stick like my best friend told me to do. Not for long, i started to worry again. I tried to sleep and I finally did for five hour. I woke up an hour ago and here we are now. I’m going out today with my boyfriend and my friends out for coffee, getting the pregnancy test (the one that comes with two) and see what happens. Seeing a negative would make everything feel better. I don’t care how supposedly early it is, just seeing that would give me a slight hope and make me think I’m most likely to be okay. People who commented on my post were right, it was stupid to take plan b when I was already protected and I probably did mess up my cycle. It’s probably gonna be messed up for months.. maybe? And this all made me feel like I am immature to be having sex. It is most likely that it is plan b fucking me up right now and I totally regret my decision. I used a condom and I’m on the pill, I was fully protected even though I missed once and was a few minutes late. I was probably okay either way. I’m starting to think I should stop taking birth control until I get my period. I don’t know when I should take the second pregnancy test so I can get a good official answers. Idk guys, I’m feeling pretty scared and I’m trying to calm myself down. I’m literally praying and knocking on wood, that I get my period soon. I’m obviously not ready to be pregnant. This also makes me realize I am truly not ready to have sex and it should be on hold until I graduate high school.

So yeah, please... any related stories, advice, reassurance would make me feel better. Have a good day ❤️

Update: YO GUYS I GOT MY PERIOD

I couldn’t go back to sleep and I was trying to distract myself with funny videos on twitter and then I felt a flow. I check with my finger and it’s pure full red.

It looks like real menstrual to me. I’m really relieved and I’m happy. I feel shitty though; i feel nauseous because of the birth control pill. That happens when I start a new pack so that’s normal for me and it sucks that my period is gonna be irregular for a while but heyyy I’m not pregnant and I’m okay. The comments had made me feel better and I find it funny how I’m bleeding for the second time literally minutes after making another post about this 😂