I live with this monster. Follows me around. It's in my shadows. First thing I see when I wake up first thing I feel when I go to my bedroom. Alone with it is agony. Nothing but shedding of my insides and having a massive gap in my chest. A gap like my chest and heart my body and mind are not attached. I forget what's reality and imagination. You feel like you're falling in your head, falling in your chest and just tears poring not even having the time to fall. Just comes in a big gush. Big rage. A big drastic image of myself saying "is this even me". Then coming back to reality yes, this is me, this is who I am this is not something I've become. I should of made this clear in the beginning it's not one, not two but 3 monsters.

Let's talk about 1. This monster loves getting in my chest, he loves the rage in my head of my OCD thoughts. Doesn't come in and leave, it comes in and makes a home. I'll be in public with it. You'd think I'd have control over it but it has me cuffed, it's got me by the neck, it's got me where I have to pull over and take deep breaths, it's got me wrapped around it's fingers. It holds my hand,mind,body. It will never let me go. It pulls me close and tells me lies in my ear, it tells me who I am, what I am, my future, strips me naked and puts on its skin so I can believe this is me I'm it.

Monster number 2 it's a character. It can be funny, laugh,rage,break down, mad for no oblivion reason. It will switch on and off in seconds . You will never know the mood it will have in 5 min. It loves blaming other people. It gets a kick out of itself because it knows what it's making you feel. You get mad at your partner and it starts a fight but you just want to say it wasn't me. Your partner blames them selves for making you unhappy when you're out or just chilling at home when it wasn't them. It was "it". But someone who doesn't have these monsters won't understand. They can't relate. They can tell you "it will pass", "you're strong". It won't ever pass my love, this is me. I am not strong love, I cry myself to sleep when you're next to me happily asleep with your mind resting while mine is having a tornado of non sense and lies that "it" tells myself. It breaks me down love, it tears me from the inside out love, it makes me unhappy love, it makes me feel alone when I'm not love, it makes my feel worthless and not a human being just a blob that floats but they call me "human", a "person" it's not your fault my love so don't ever think you're the reason I feel this way. When I lash out at you don't take it to heart, don't think you did something, don't make me make you feel less worthy from something I cannot control. I see it threw your eyes. I know it makes you feel awful. Makes you feel awful that you cannot help me. It even eats you up with you noticing.

monster number 3. You're awful. I try everyday, everyday to fight you. How do you always win when I know I'm stronger then you? I've beat you before so why do you keep crawling back, back in my head. I already have 2 now you're another to add to my gruesome list. Monster number 1 and you together make my life hell. You guys are perfect together. You get in my chest, my head, you get in me. I forget who I am because of you both. I forget my place in life, I ask my love why they are with me because I'm not worthy of love nor happiness not even a break. You guys make me feel like I deserve this, I "want this", I "CRAVE" this. You guys get off on it. You guys love it. You guys praise yourselves. You like doing this? It doesn't just effect me, it effects everyone around me.

Dear Anxiety, Bipolar and depression

Thank you. You've made me weak,beat and down right pathetic. You torment me every day. Everyday I get stronger, smarter, and feel more like a person each day. I lose myself each day but I pick myself up real quick and I tell myself who I am. And I'm not you. You're in me but you will never have me. You my friend won't ever see the day where you fully control me. But I accept the fact you will always be with me. I don't have a visible ring but I see a ring. I see that ring where I didn't even say "yes" I wanted you.

Brown discharge what is it mean ?

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