Don't want kids

I have always said I don't want to have children I don't I never have done nor wanted any but the thing is I don't know what I would do if I actually got pregnant I know my husband would love to have a child with me but it's not what I want there is a part of me that would want to keep it then there is a part of me that would want to get rid of it that would make me feel very bad and guilty but what to do I don't know how I would feel unless it happened.i just feel no love for babies or children l never have done I look at them feel nothing I don't like girls I always said to my husband I would love a boy not a girl has anyone else ever felt the same as me and what did they do if they got pregnant did their feelings change