The story starts off in August. I betrayed my best friends trust.. I said something I shouldn’t have said to anyone. He trusted me for a reason and I was stupid for doing it.. I apologized. I apologized so many times, and I understood he would hate me, but I never thought he would so far into this. I would vent to people because I didn’t know how else to let my feelings go.. I cried day, after day, after day, and he got so petty he laughed when I cried. One day, he texted me saying I have no right to cry about it.. it was his secret. I still apologized. He would post pictures of me and say really mean things that would hurt my feelings. Though he blocked me. I understood he hated me for what I did, and why he’d never want to be my friend again.. but he went so far into this. His friends obviously backs him up and you can sorta say they’ve been in on this. A few weeks ago, they posted a video of me from 2 years ago and said “THOTIANA WHO??”. I vented about it to the wrong person, and she came after me. And when I say vent.. I mean I cried saying I don’t know what I did that was so wrong to this specific person.. after that I thought everything was going fine.. but this specific person I had to block because I did not want to keep seeing these things.. all the mean comments on certain people, all of them. I blocked my friend with no explanation.. I shouldn’t have because all of them decided to come after me once again. I finally told them I wanted to talk about it face to face. Not behind a phone. I was tired of being scared. I was tired of they’re petty games. Of course they came in was “you fake bitch” “look at you thinking you’re big and bold lmao you’re not”. These things hurt. My sister made a police report back in August, and assured it was harassment. They reported it back to the school and it’s like no one thought it was a big deal. They found their way to make it “equally both our fault” making it “fair”. The administrators make me sound like I need a physiologist next to me because of the past depression and anxiety... “you might need someone like a physiologist with you, maybe they can explain it to you better”. I don’t know what to do.. they make these things sound like drama but it’s on going.. they said I provoked the situation AGAIN because I asked to talk about it face to face.. I was just trying to defend myself. They even brought people to record. They followed.. When I tried to defend myself, but the second I turned back, I gradually broke down more and more.. until I got to the classroom and collapsed... I cried, I couldn’t feel my body, I was shortened of breath. I was having a panic attack. They were laughing. I don’t know what to do. This is a cry for help.. the administrators say I’m not allowed to talk about it cause that’s how I provoke unwanted situations. They make me feel like I was at fault.. I feel like maybe I do deserve this.. I do this to myself. It’s bad enough they say that about me.. so why does the school have to make me feel even worse.. I genuinely feel like I have to lose. I give up. I want them to see the pain they caused me if they haven’t realized it yet. If I died I never want them to paint my name on a rock and say “we’re so sorry for what happened... but we couldn’t do anything about it”. That’s exactly what happened last year with a student. Apparently everyone knew this student was getting bullied.. but why didn’t anyone say anything. They created pins, to memorize his existence. If he was going through the same things as I was.. the school has no right. I feel angry, sadness, stress, anxiety, pain, neglected.. but most of all.. regret. I am that girl everyone thinks she wants attention. I do want attention.. I want attention for the fact that the school is doing something lethal... who knows.. maybe everything I am doing is wrong. Don’t feel pity, don’t feel sorry.. just pretend as I don’t exist all together. I’d rather bathe in my own isolation than everyone just giving me fake smiles, because I know they know exactly what’s going on.