I fell in love at such a young age. I let what I thought would be forever completely take over. Me and this dude go way back. It started out as me trying to make his pos gf at the time jelly because all she did was put him down 24/7. Well on Friday at school (this is back in November of 2010) he said, “do u really want to be with me” I said “well why not? Your cute” the weekend passed no calls or text but come Monday I found a note in my locker that said “will you be mine -Drew” I lost it! And that started our little romance. We were together for almost two years when my dad caught us skipping school and became REALLY abusive. Drew just happened to see the marks and bruises and after two years of star struck love he calls it off.

I lost my shit. I started cutting myself, I started my eating disorder (anorexia) I developed severe mental depression not only from him leaving but the way my dad abused me. So from 2010-1016 we have been off and on.

This last time we dated he swore he loved me wanted a family with me tortured me with the thought that my dream of being his wife and the mother of his child were going to be a at grasp. I went to Florida to help my Mamal move...the whole time I was gone he cheated on me with his BFF. I found this out threw his fb. I came back and he literally made every excuse not to come see me or be around me....then when we finally break up I once again lost my shit. I became a party girl. I drank smoked did meth stayed out all hours of the night steady staying fucked up. I lost myself yet AGAIN! So...I decided to see how him and this dumb bitch grew close together....just to look on her fb and see....SHE was going to be the mother of his child. I lost everything. He gave her everything he knew my heart wanted. He gave her years of my hopes and dreams. He gave her everything.

Why am I not good enough. Yes I am engaged and pregnant by another man that I love so so dearly but why 7 years later does it still hurt. Why 7 years later does she get everything I ever dreamed of. Why 7 years later am I crying over the same boy I once fell in love with. I believe he was my soul mate and I don’t think I’m ever going to get over him. I can’t even look at his fb anymore without seeing his happy little family and honestly if it wasn’t for me being pregnant with the love of my life and having such an amazing man to stand by me...I would’ve killed myself.

How do I get rid of this. How do I stop loving someone that has continued to rip me apart for 7years. Because now it’s obvious we aren’t off and on our power strike is over....and I’m not okay with it. I’m just really not okay anymore