Cousin Overstaying Welcome?

Question

so my dad died 3 months ago. I found my long lost cousin on fb who apparently been homeless @ 14. my grandparents put him out. hes a troubled kid and his moms on drugs & got kids taken (gma has custody) & no dad. well he lives in nj i live in philly & he works in philly. so i started to invite him over after work because he works overnight and cant get to nj @5 am sometimes. so he would come sleep over (spare bedroom) and leave. well now hes been here over a week. & i had company over. he was trynna crash on my couch and i told him he had to sleep upstairs. he got a little cocky with me. so next morn. thanksgiving... he is GONE. & left a note with $40 ... i felt bad and called him and invited him back over because it was thanksgiving. but now its the next morning & i dont want him staying over again. idk what to tell him or how ?! i wanna set boundaries but like what do i even say. this is a hard spot.. he is 18

Accepted Answer

Y'all just need to sit down and have a conversation with him. Set the boundaries and maybe let him know if he needs to help with anything around the house while he is there. His letter wasn't bad and he actually left you some money. Based on this - he actually seems grateful for what you're doing for him.

Answer

He's just a kid, and he left $40. I think you should let him stay longer, but only if you're comfortable.

Answer

He's young, with hardly any real family and is trying to do good given his situation.If he has a place of his own staying at your house for a week is overstepping but if he doesn't have a place I would allow him too stay until he can get on his feet. Sounds to me he was handed a hard life...

Answer

Definitely talk to him. Sounds like he just wants to be around family. Maybe allow him to come over a few times a month, if that works for you. Don't shun him or make him feel like he isn't wanted.

Answer

Have a sit down Convo about what you are expecting from him. What is allowed whats not etc. 
He seems like he wants this to work. you should meet him half way with very clear expectations.

Answer

It sounds like he is trying to be mature. I would decide what your boundaries are and just lay them out. He is a kid and needs boundaries to understand what it means to stay with you.. maybe it is as simple as saying “when you stay here you don’t have guests and you sleep in a bed. It is our home and you are a guest here, not a tenant, therefor you don’t need to pay us for your time here, but you also should not feel entitled to it. It would work best if you could let us know what nights it would help you to stay because we can check our calendars and make sure it is on nights that work for us.”.. 
I would return the $40 because people often use money to justify using people... it could be easy for him to think “I gave them $40 so staying there was something I paid for and was entitled to and we are ‘even’, so I can solve any future misunderstandings with some cash and they should be ok with whatever happens”

Cousin Overstaying Welcome?

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