I’m writing this with the saddest tears streaming down my face. I had posted two days ago that I was having a lot of abnormal bleeding.

I went to the ER and the doctor considered it a threatening miscarriage. A lot of times the ER doctors can be wrong since they aren’t experts in OBGYN. But I was considered 5 wks and my hCG level was 138. He sent me home on strict bed rest bc my hCG levels were super low. The next day I passed a massive clot

While at a family thanksgiving dinner. I literally got up just to go eat with my boyfriends family and had rest all day. I was even resting the whole time I was there and wasn’t up on my feet.

When I passed that clot I told my boyfriend I needed to get back to the ER that something wasn’t right. I’m 2 1/2 hours from my doctor. And it was thanksgiving night. So the ER was our only option. The doctors were super nice along with the nurses.

When we got back to the ER they took blood and told me my hCG levels had doubled. The doctors came together and were all trying to figure this out bc they thought I was miscarrying but the levels were doubling and not making sense. At this point, my boyfriend and I were thrilled and clinging to hope bc our baby seemed to be ok.

Then they mentioned ectopic. But when the OBGYN came in she told me a ectopic would have internal bleeding and not very much vaginal bleeding like I was having.

They decided to admit me. I was given morphine for my pain bc I could barely stand up.

The next morning they checked my hCG levels and they had dropped from a 236 to a 187. At this point they ruled it as a miscarriage.

I have never cried so much.

Trying to make sense of why drug addict parents and abusive parents can have children and why can’t I? I begged the doctor to explain this. She just hugged me and hugged me and held me with my boyfriend and apologized.

She wants me to meet with my OBGYN on Monday. My bleeding has stopped and I never really soaked any pads. The bleeding was only when I wiped. I’m still clinging for hope that maybe I still have a baby in me. I know that’s probably not possible but I feel so empty and can’t begin to understand or process any of this.

I’m just so empty on the inside and can’t quit thinking about my baby.

Ladies, for me, pls enjoy every bit of your pregnancy. Even the morning sickness, contractions, and all the other dreadful parts. I’d love to feel every bit of it.

Our baby wasn’t planned and honestly we didn’t want children. I don’t think I could handle going through this again.