Feeling unsure and sad

I am posting anonymously because this situation is breaking my heart 💔

This is my second marriage. My first broke down for many reasons including domestic abuse. The children from my first marriage are amazing and I love them to pieces, so although tough, I can’t have regrets.

I still love my second husband - so much, but we have developed problems that he seems unwilling to discuss in a constructive way. I won’t pretend I am perfect - I am not! But I want to work on these issues and make our lives better again.

We have our own children together also.

Sex; he thinks it’s normal that 99% of sexual encounters are pleasurable for him. As in he finishes, I don’t and he doesn’t seem to think this is a problem. His words today (we argued) “if you enjoy doing it you are getting something out of it but shouldn’t expect in return” (because I like touching/massaging him that counts as my “pleasure”. He moans I “take too long” but this gets worse when I try to rush - meaning a vicious circle starts. So in 3 months I have not climaxed at all during sex. He doesn’t seem interested in my body or what I like. A few times he has tried, I have moved his hand or tried to change something but he says “I know what I am doing” and carries on...so I turn off. It feels like he thinks it’s a big horrible chore that he has to finish so wifey doesn’t moan. I miss the feelings, I need the feelings of closeness.

I don’t know what to do. My self esteem has dived, I feel very unattractive. I feel like the only woman with a husband who has a willing wife but he isn’t interested in her body. The roll over to sleep after kills me inside now - I have cried quietly to sleep. It’s not frequency, it’s the quality of sex. It’s the one sidedness that has become the normal.

This spills into daily life - a bit of bickering and sniping (both sides). Probably because i am less tolerant and feel coldness towards him is creeping in. Am I unreasonable or over sensitive? Is real sex this male centred and I have been in a bubble forever?