(ACOA = Adult Child of an Alcoholic)

This is a story relating back to my and my siblings’ childhood and parents’ early divorce. And I want anyone who can relate at least in part to reach out to me, if you have something you want to share.

My mother left my father for his abusiveness years ago.

He found a replacement right away. Together w.our new stepmother my father began pumping toxicity into our brains against my mother when we were just little kids. (In the therapy world they call this “extreme split-filial loyalty.”)

Today none of the original three of us sisters have a real relationship, if even on speaking terms.

Recently I moved near one of my sisters bc I needed a change, it’s an awesome town, and it was easier to just move near family. And though we connect on shaky ground, the wedge which my stepmother drove between us seems to continue to widen on one level, and repair on another. I can only just pray that it will somehow, some way, move towards healing. I have just begun praying with my mother and that seems to help and I do somewhat feel a spirit moving. I have to do more of it, but it mostly doesn’t come natural, as we didn’t grow up “praying” like that....

The therapist says that there is nothing that I can do about it except send them pertinent self-help books about the grief which the divorce, and my father’s alcoholism caused. I bought three books but couldn’t afford three copies, so there they sit, a constant reminder of my unfinished “homework” assignment.

One of the sisters has cut every single person off except for her nuclear family and her sister in law. This has been a huge blow to all of us the past year.

(The therapist says it’s not our fault but I think they’re supposed to say that or something.)

I just feel so helpless. I know me and my sisters all love each other very much, but so much hurt caused by jealousy and revenge has just ripped us all to shreds.

I have enjoyed the pleasure of their company in the past so I know the joy, but there’s just too much garbage and bitter seeds planted— I just wish they could see how they were manipulated and how much we need one another.... Just a couple weeks ago my one sister expressed that she needed family and I can tell that she is trying to make my transition smooth, but I also know that she is in close communicado to those who created this mess, at the same time, and says hurtful things from time to time, and I have to keep her at a distance, as much delight as I receive (and know she does as well) from seeing her....

It’s just not easy to dismiss one’s own family, even if they can be toxic. She tries to make it seem like it’s all in my head, but I know that it’s not, bc she does it to everyone, and she is extremely self-centred and self-serving, just like our stepmother.... She’s not a complete narcissist, I don’t think, bc she can be thoughtful, and sweet at times.

Does anyone relate to this type of struggle, perhaps even having come through to the other side of healing with their natal family of origin, with some hope/strength to share from having conquered together through being an adult child of an alcoholic?