A couple minutes after midnight at exactly 40 weeks my water broke. My husband and I were just getting into bed and I laid down and felt a small gush that I knew was my water. I immediately turned to my husband and said “Oh no.” Then hopped out of bed and waddled to the shower where I continued to gush. For some reason this is when it hit me- I’m really pregnant- I’m really doing this. 😳

My husband and I became very giddy and realized we had no idea what to do next. I had spoken to my dr about wanting to labor at home as much as possible but I didn’t anticipate my water breaking before contractions had started. I told my husband to get some sleep and that we’d call in the morning when our drs office opened.

Contractions hit soon after my water broke and kept me up all night. My water continued to leak in small gushes so I wore a huge pad and packed our hospital bag and cleaned the whole house while taking breaks to hunch over during contractions. They were painful but manageable. My dogs followed me around all night looking worried and terrified. 😂

I kept thinking about how after my water breaks I’m at higher risk for infection and felt selfish for not going in immediately. But I knew I would be hooked up to IVs and stuck in my hospital bed once I was admitted and I wanted to play an active part in my labor. I walked the halls all night trying to make my contractions pick up.

Once the office opened at 8am I had my husband call and they told us to come in. I dreaded going to the hospital when I felt I hadn’t progressed far so I moseyed around some more at home and took my last bump pic.

Then we dropped off our dogs and went and got Whoppers using my labor as an excuse to have fast food👍🏻🍔🍔.

And got some quality time in while it was still just the two of us. 💏

At this point it was nearly 2pm and our hospital called to check on us wondering why tf we weren’t there yet.

We were admitted at 330 pm at 4cm dilated and I was annoyed that all the nurses didn’t believe that my water had really broken and acted like the tests would come back negative. When they showed that my water had broken I was moved from triage to my delivery room where I was told I wasn’t allowed to walk the halls or leave my room. I was started on pitocin 😢 and I was able to ask for an exercise ball and labored on that until 7cm dilated.

Contractions were really intense and painful. After 21 hours of labor I got the epidural at 8 cm. I wanted to have a drug free labor and was already discouraged I was administered pitocin. I was upset with myself and nearly changed my mind at the last minute. It was hard to hold still for the needle when my contractions were on top of each other with no relief in between but all went well with the procedure.

After the epidural, all was calm for a moment. Then my blood pressure started dropping dangerously low and my the contractions were stressing out my baby and causing his heart rate to drop. I was tossed in a million different positions and modesty when out the window (butt naked face down ass up at one point).

They gave me something to relax my uterus because my little one was under too much stress. My BP continued to drop and it seemed like a million nurses and drs swarmed around our room. They told my husband to sit off to the side. Most everything was a blur to me. My husband later told me my BP had dropped to 53/23 then 90/14 and he thought he was going to lose me.

I was given something to raise my BP and remained stuck at 8cm for hours. Finally the nurse came in and told me it was time to start considering a plan b (c section). I just wanted what was best for my baby but I was crushed.

I asked to have some more time to see if I dilated more and the nurse hesitated and then gave me an hour before they would rush me into emergency surgery.

She left the room only to be called back in by my heart monitor beeping. I was having an anxiety attack. I was determined to have my baby vaginally and I felt like I failed. I was broken and sobbing. My labor was nothing like I had hoped. My husband prayed with me and I managed to calm down. I made peace with whatever was to come and just focused on doing whatever was best for our baby.

An hour later I was dilated to 10cm. I was so relieved! (And nervous since my epidural had almost completely worn off and I was feeling the contractions again).

I pushed for an hour and a half and after 30 hours in labor I delivered my sunny side up 8lbs 14oz baby boy.

The epidural had completely worn off. I felt it all. I had a second degree tear and felt every stitch. I wouldnt wish this pain on my worst enemy. But it was all so worth it.

I saw him for the first time and screamed, “oh, his poor head!” Dad did skin to skin right after he was born while I grimaced through the stitches.

After everything it really was one of the coolest experiences of my life. And I never thought I could love someone as much as I love my husband. I have so much love for these two it’s insane.

Bernard Michael Cornwell