Warning ⚠️ EXCRUCIATINGLY LONG:

I’m having a moment of total emotional exhaustion and I️ feel like sharing it.

I️ worry so much about being the best mom I️ can be, so that my son will have everything that I️ never did. I’ve never felt pressure to fit into a certain mold, or that success looks a certain way, but happiness is so elusive no matter what life you live and I feel like it’s my job to make sure my son has the best shot at it.

That can be so stressful when life doesn’t always play along, and as an individual sometimes my needs and shortcomings will overwhelm me and make me feel like I’m not being a good mother at that moment.

When your husband is imperfect as all of us are, when your house gets messy as all of our do, when your child is going through hard times as all of ours face - it can be very easy to feel alone.

To feel like the burden is on our shoulders, and that we must throw aside ourselves to cushion the blow for everyone else.

Growing up, when my mother couldn’t take her emotions anymore, she would call herself a doormat. A trash can, a place to air dirty laundry- among other things. She felt as if everyone’s muddy shoes wiped themselves on her back, as though everyone’s garbage wound up being her problem, as though she sacrificed her cleanliness so that we could all become clean and worry free once again.

That always made me feel so worthless as a child, because I️ loved my mother dearly and I️ didn’t want to cause her any more pain, but I️ now see the place from which all of those feelings came. The loneliness, the desperation, the world on your shoulders.

I️ will never be perfect, but I️ always vowed that my children would never feel the way I️ felt when my mother said those things. I️ now also promise myself not to allow those feelings to become realities for myself like they were for her- as much as it feels like it, you are NOT a doormat, a trash can, a clothes line, or anything else.

You are a human being. You are a mother. You are wonderful and valuable.

Everything will be okay again, and if it’s not right now, that’s okay, too.

Breathe, hold your breath as you count the things that are troubling and temporary- and then exhale them out.

Mom, you’re going to be fine. This too shall pass. This day will end. These feelings will fade. These situations will better themselves.

You matter, you deserve better from yourself.

Take it easy.