Really nervous about my fertility appointment!

I have an appointment at a fertility center in a couple weeks and I’m starting to get really nervous. I was super excited and hopeful a couple weeks ago when I made the appointment, but as it gets closer I get more nervous. I’m scared I’m just going to be told I need to lose weight and that they aren’t going to want to help me. I’ve been ttc for over 3 1/2 years and spent the last year with a doctor who did nothing except try to push me into taking appetite suppressants. I finally had enough of her and canceled my next appointment and made an appointment at the fertility center. I’m praying for answers and help from them. They’ve got me scheduled for and ultrasound first thing which my doctor hadn’t even done yet so it’s already going better, but I’m just nervous I’ll get in there and they will see that I’m over weight and blame everything on me being fat like my other doctor.

I think a lot of the nervousness comes from me needing something to look forward to. Yes I’ve been ttc and have wanted a baby for years but I feel like I need it to happen now, my family needs it to happen now. My mom came to me crying last night ( And we aren’t a emotional family) telling me she wants me to have a baby. She doesn’t even know how bad I want a baby and that I’m even trying. But she has spend her whole adult life raising kids. She had her first baby when she was 19, when her youngest was 15 she got custody of my cousins kids and we have had them for over 5 years. But now they are going back to their mom and we all feel broken and don’t what we are going to do without them. When she came to me she said “I know it’s selfish, but I want you to have a baby so I have something to focus on. My whole life I have raised kids and worked so hard for them.”

I feel so heart broken that I can’t give my husband and my family a baby. I want so badly for my fertility appointment to go well, and that’s just making me so nervous that it won’t.