Ever since I can remember, I've felt sick when I eat. I was always the scrawny one. I got called anorexic and everything else under the sun that meant "too skinny". I starved myself in high school because to me, not eating pain was better than the pain I had when I ate something. I developed a condition called cachexia (wasting syndrome). So I can't gain weight simply by eating a bunch of calories.. so now when I want to really really try to gain weight, I just can't. I hate the way my body looks. I want bigger thighs and bigger hips and bigger boobs. I want the bones on my chest to go away. I went vegan because this is the healthiest option for me since empty calories only made me feel shittier.. I feel insecure every god damn day and I hate it. My teeth look too big for my face because it's so thin. All I see is a stick. Even when I lay down with my knees together &I; up they don't touch. Only when I sit down is when they do and they just look like normal thighs.. some days are hard and it's harder to eat so I'll eat less, I'll lose all the progress I made in a month, in a fucking day. Shit gets so hard. I constantly need special attention from my bf of 4 years.. it's hard to give me it. I'm not just insecure, it's to a point where I start sweating from bein So pissed at thinking about it. I weighed 84 pounds last year (I'm 5'6 and build with a small frame) and now I weigh 90-94. I've never been over 105 in my life. I can't work because of this shit, I feel sick constantly and fatigued. Sometimes I break down and cry because I wish I looked 120 pounds.. i wish my thighs touched. I wish I had healthy hair and a healthy looking body, healthy looking skin. I'm a waste.